Korny and clever quips, quotes, quizzes, and questions.

1) What is a Dura-cell? It is a heavy-duty mobile phone.
2) What is another name for vinyl records? Groovy.
3) Learn to Type. Type to learn. (Inspired by my mother’s “Learn to read. Read to learn.)
4) Fearing fear is the answer.
5) Why is Spider a good name for computer virus software? It captures bugs with its World Wide Web protection.
6) Back in the pre-mouse era, floppy disks were the size of mouse pads and just as floppy.
7) Does “Jogging one’s memory�, mean running with a floppy disk?
8) Why are diskettes the cockroaches of data storage? They both are pesky, and will be around forever.
9) Why are Diskettes the sticky-notes of data storage? They both hold a tiny amount of vital information.
10) The prices of UPS are DOWN. Protect yourself from BROWN outs. (UPS stands for both Uninterrupted Power Supply and United Parcel Service. Brown refers to both a decrease in power, and the UPS Company’s color. UP is the opposite of Down.)
11) Those who can’t see the big picture exist in a pixel.
12) Is “jumping on the broadband wagon� faster?
13) Why is George W Bush not wearing any underwear? It is because nobody briefed him.
14) What is the country that is in the middle of Jerusalem? USA (JerUSAlem)
15) Sometimes it’s hard to tell if a dollar bill is counterfeit or just laundered.
16) Facts are the building blocks of knowledge.
17) Great and exiting events happen when you least appreciate them.
18) FORD = Favorite OR Fun On Road Driving, or FOR Driving.
19) If you watch what you eat, then you can only eat “see� food.
20) Response to “Get out of here� is “I will, when its time for me to go home.
21) Another name for relief: A Colon Powell movement.
22) The Internet has replaced the grapevine".
23) "Do you understand "Fveshtayse"? (That is the English pronunciation for the Yiddish word that asks that same question)
24) “Last week, I accidentally lifted some heavy boxes, after my doctor said not to."
25) I would like a chocolate, Chocolate Labrador retriever (made exclusively of chocolate).
26) Inputs and outputs are my favorite activities.
27) George W. Bush has said, “That sends the wrong message�. The Freedom of speech means that no message is wrong.
28) It is rare that I eat steak. However, I don’t eat it rare.
29) A roll of quarters is a Flock of eagles or a Roll of States.
30) Happiness is a warm tongue.
31) New York City is where all minorities are the majority.
32) If a PC is a Personal Computer, what is a HC? It is a Hand Held Computer.
33) Why does someone who is 6’ 4’ and weighs 160lbs., clean teeth? That is what toothpicks are for.
34) REST in REST room, is an acronym for RElief STation.
35) Andrew is A. Lerner, and the only one with A. Lerner’s License.
36) MAIL = Messages And Information Letters
http://andrewlerner.blogspot.com/2005/11/original-quotes.html

THE FIRST SMART PHONE

Would you believe, that from 1965 through 1970, before my current hand-held was combined with a cell phone to make the Treo Smart Phone, Maxwell Smart used a foot-held Smart phone? This was decades before Cell phones were even invented. Don Adams, who died this week, portrayed a character who was ahead of his time, with a combined shoe and cell phone he wore on his foot. He was Agent 86. During this time, there was another show taking place in the 2400's. That show was 400 years behind the times! They used a phone similar to Motorola's Star Tac flip phone! And that phone could not even beam up like today's smart phones! They needed a separate giant apparatus from an orbiting ship to beam up! Not only that, but they also had to use an additonal, separate, cumbersome device called a "Treo-Corder" to record information and do everything else! NBC got smart, and 86ed that spacy show. Get Smart was one of my first favorite TV shows. I also sort of liked that other show that went where no TV show had gone before. This article was written by Andrew Lerner.

IRONIC

Today is Wednesday at 5pm. I am finally having my car's oil and transmission fluids changed. I wanted to have this done yesterday at 11am. However, on Monday 9/26/05, figuratively speaking, some thugs, part of this gang, beat me up, took my car away, left me stranded in a strange area, and robbed me of all the money I earned that day. They also deliberately kept me from needed medicine, my CPAP, and caused me to loose many valuable hours of my time and productivity.

I have been frustrated getting in touch with my doctor via postal, and phone calls to his answering service and receptionist. I finally got a voice mail on Monday 9/26/05. I was running out of Cymbalta and Adderall. I was not experiencing any positive effects from Cymbalta. I stopped Cymbalta because it was making me drowsy, and hard to keep my eyes open in classroom work training. That is ironic since the Adderall is to help me focus, and concentrate. I stopped taking the Cymbalta 5 pills before I would run out. I did so since not keeping my eyes open whilst I drive up to 100mph on the I-4 could be hazardous. It is ironic, since I would be prevented from driving that coming evening due to the dizziness and light-headedness for the days since halting the Cymbalta so abruptly.

The voicemail from my doctor said it was ok to use my supply of Fluoxetine concurrently with my Adderall, and that Fluoxetine is used to counter the lightheadedness and dizziness commonly associated with the abrupt stoppage of most anti-depressants. That is so ironic. I have many Fluoxetine pills at home. It is also ironic since the Fluoxetine would have addressed the issues that the Cymbalta was not. I did not switch over to the Fluoxetine, sine I had the understanding it could not be taken concurrently with Adderall! It could have totally avoided all of the buzz-head dizzy light-headed experiences!

I also found out that afternoon, from the doctor's receptionist's voice mail, that new prescriptions for my Adderall was waiting for me at the office in Altamonte Springs since last week. I wish I were told sooner. I kept leaving phone messages nagging them for them. I had to wait since Friday to know that, since they were unavailable over this past weekend. I used up my last pill on Sunday. This Monday, I was beginning to experience the exhausting withdrawal effects of stopping my amphetamines. I was eager to get home to take Fluoxetine to eliminate my mind ringing dizziness feeling. I was eager to pick up my Adderall the next morning, on Tuesday, to pick me up again, and alleviate me from pending exhaustion. It is ironic that I had signed up to work two extra hours that evening, in addition to working from 10am to 6:30pm. It will be ironic that coming evening, since I would be prevented from getting my needed medications, ironically for the sake of my good health and safety.

I had signed on for and paid for XM satellite radio online the past Friday, so I can have positive productive learning and entertainment experiences during my daily 76 mile commutes to work. My $350.00 satellite, receiver, and remote control systems were not responding to receive more than the Red Cross Radio Network channel. I called one telephone number that morning to refresh my signal, but to no avail. By the way, it is ironic that the SRP of all of my information and entertainment electronics in my car, now exceed the value of my car itself alone! As I was finally leaving from work on 9/26/05, and was waiting for my car to warm up, I called a different number than this morning, and called 800-XM-RADIO on my mobile phone. I put my headphones on to start my 11-minute wait, listening to “Your call is very important to us. All our representatives are currently assisting other XM Radio listeners. The next available counselor will help you in the order in which you call was received. Tune in to the XM Forties channel to re-live those wonderful years when….�

I drove the few blocks to International Speedway Boulevard. It certainly is not a speedy name to say. I was making a right turn onto it. I saw a car speeding fast in the right lane. There was no other traffic. After the right turn, I realized that my car, a 1999 Ford Escort, with 60K miles, did not have the same acceleration as those cars used in the raceway across the street. So, I quickly and suddenly moved over to the shoulder, so as not to impede the car behind me, or have him hit my car, and destroy the Sony 10-CD changer, speakers, and satellite system in my trunk. I also hit the curb. Then, to my chagrin, I saw in my mirror, that the car followed me, slowed down, moved over, and stopped right behind me. Then, to my surprise and amazement, police lights started flashing on top of it. I then listened to “Hello, my name is…from XM radio, may I have your name please?� I said my name, stated that I had called 12 hours ago, that I have just been pulled over by a police officer, and that I better call some other time. She replied, “ I am sorry to hear that…�

The deputy and sheriff came to my car at my right window, and asked if I was feeling ok? So as to avoid any moving violations on my otherwise clean license, I said “no. I am tired, stressed, and feeling dizzy and lightheaded. He asked if I had realized that I went through a yield and stop sign, drove up the curb, and almost hit a pedestrian on the sidewalk? I said “no. I just saw you coming behind me, so I moved out of your way. The deputy asked me for my license and registration. I gave him my license and insurance card. He gave that back to me later, referring to it as my registration. He did not even notice from my plate that my registration was long over not renewed. He waved over a State Trouper, and ultimately got the Daytona police there as well. A police officer came to left window. I believe he also said that I am in no condition to be driving. I was asked to get out of the car, and come over to the sidewalk by someone else. I followed his pen go from left to right with only my eyes moving.

With the whole street gang there, I was told that I was not in a condition to drive. I was asked for people who lived nearby or at work who could pick me and or my car up. I explained that I don’t know anyone. I was asked the phone number of my employer. I gave it to them. They called and explained the situation. I believe there was no solution there. I was told that I had two choices. I could either be taken into custody for three days under the bakers act, or go to a hospital voluntarily to get checked out. I chose the second option. I was told that my car was to be towed to someplace I could pick it up the next day. The police officer drove me to the hospital in a police car. I waited to be processed and seen. I answered that the police felt I was not in a condition to drive and that I did not have any health insurance. It is ironic that I am forced to go to a hospital days before my health insurance goes into affect that would pay for it. I mentioned that I was light headedly dizzy, explained why, and what I had to cure it. It is ironic that instead of being able to go home for a cure, I was detained in a hospital. I probably could have just walked out, and gone home, instead of possibly having to pay a bill for the visit. The doctor came by at 11:45pm, and found after a one-minute examination, that I was in fine health, and could be released. He said he could not give me any thing for my discomfort. Again, this is ironic since this is why the police thugs sent me there. It is ironic that I had to go to a hospital while I am in perfect health.

As I was leaving, I asked for the nearest hotel. I went outside, and asked an ambulance driver which way Int. Speed. Blvd. Is. I had to walk in the busy street, since there were geysers along the sidewalk. This is ironic since I could be hit by a car in the street, and have to be rushed to the hospital emergency room. There was a geyser in front of my door at home once, another one nearby, and a few in the parking lot near my home. It is because the underground sprinkler system comes up in plastic pipes, they break off, and thick streams of water go several feet in the air. The one by my door created a large muddy hole. It’s ironic that they instead keep pedestrians off the sidewalk. In my area, they keep removing sidewalks altogether. If you are a pedestrian in central Florida, you have to climb over fences, down trenches, up hills, and through bushes to get anywhere

In Florida, it is a very common site that I came upon during my walk. There was a McDonald’s, Burger King, and Wendy’s all directly next to each other, and were all closed. The person inside McDonalds said to go to Wendy’s. Wendy’s only had the drive through open. Does this all seem so ironic to you so far? I proceeded to stand behind the fifth car in line. The driver in the last car called me over. He said he was the manager of Burger King, and told me that I had to be in a motorized vehicle. I voiced the absurdity and irony in that. Not that it was ironic that he was a BK manager waiting to buy food at Wendy’s mind you. I was hungry. The police made me miss my dinner since I can drive a lot better without eating anything. The driver insisted, not only to order the frosty for me, but also to refuse payment by me. Again, this is typical Floridian behavior. When the Wendy’s manager saw that I was outside, standing, and not in a motorized vehicle, he looked incredulous at my criminal activity. How dare I violate the civil rules of society? He did not even want to allow the driver to give the food to me. My kind is not welcome there.

I walked over to the lobby of the Marriot Courtyard. He said that the night would cost me $129.99. It was so amazing how the price came out to be exactly one penny less than $130. What are the chances of this happening? I decided that this was more than a 72-mile round trip taxi ride to Lake Mary. I asked for the Hampton Inn, and he gave me directions. What a loyal employee! I went over to the far superior Hampton Inn. The Night Auditor there said he could do $89.99. Wow! It happened again! One penny short of $90! There was free high-speed Internet service in my room. How ironic that my hand-held power was drained, I did not have my power cord, or an adapter to use the cat-5 network cable. I had a hair drier for my baldhead, and an iron for the underwear I had on. I did not have a simple toothbrush, toothpaste, or brush. I had to sport the Albert Einstein look the next day, 9/27/05.

I had two wake up calls, so as not to miss the free breakfast. However, I was exhausted and un-rested due to my amphetamine withdrawal, and lack of my CPAP. After all, I have to drive a motor vehicle that morning. I did not get out of bed until after noon. I went down to the lobby, asked for the police precinct telephone number. She said “911�. I said that I needed at least four more numbers. I ate two bananas in the lobby, and noticed that free wireless Internet was available. It is ironic that my hand held would have worked, but had no power left. So I went into the free computer room for a while. The police said that the pound had my car. I called the pound. They said that I should call the police. I called the police again, and they said they don’t have my car. I walked over to my employer’s parking lot, and found my car. It is ironic since I could have just drove home last night, and saved the $100 hotel bill. I was happy that I did not have to pay for towing and storage. How thoughtful those idiot police officers were! Now I was in much better condition to drive home! I was un-rested, hungry, hot and tired. How ironic that working overtime the previous day helped me earn enough money the entire day to pay for my unneeded hotel! That’s ok, now I could work all day on Thursday just to pay for my week’s gas expense! I finally felt totally much better after my medications. So good in fact, that it is now 11:45, I feel great, and have not slept in exactly 24 hours! That good since Karl Canty called me on the telephone at 6:23am in the morning to chat or play chess. The night before the big on 9/26/05 ordeal, I had an unusual vivid bad premonition dream, that I was forced to stay in a hotel against my will! Gee, what could that mean?

The moral of this story is this. If I acted fine, and said that I was fine, I might have been arrested or gotten a moving violation. That would make me a greater risk to insurance companies. However, since this did not happen;

I SAVED A WHOLE BUNCH OF MONEY ON MY CAR INSURANCE!

For alternate conclusions to this story, click here.

Other links about this story:

http://andrewlerner.blogspot.com/2005/10/alternative-moral.html

http://andrewlerner.blogspot.com/2005/10/freedom.html

http://andrewlerner.blogspot.com/2005/11/blow-job-sucked.html

_________________________________

Irony of telephone service moved to 10/14/05.

LOOK AT OLD POSTING REVISIONS

REALI T-V

I enjoy watching movies on the Oxygen and Lifetime channels as well as programs on the Science, History, and Nat Geo channels. I had been watching Big Brother 6, up to 3 times per week for the past couple of months. One of the best finales of the past six years was last week. I have now begun watching the fourth Apprentice series with the Donald, this week on CNBC. I am not sure if I will be watching it with the Martha.

My brother and sister had a severe reaction to my blog since I started posting women who I found to look good. I don’t understand why they felt that way. I hope to understand this before I die. It is very hard to find someone willing to spend the time with me in this and other discussion so that I can understand the society I live in.

IT HAS BEEN A LONG LONELY TIME. (Led Zep: R&R)

Time And Again (Another favorite past TV drama series)

5/23/02: Another Brick in the Wall (Pink Floyd)

Another back wall from a four-unit apartment 2-story building in my coop was falling down. During these past few weeks, that part of the building has been reconstructed. The cost is millions of dollars. The coop cannot afford this. It may have to declare bankruptcy, add a monthly assessment or increase the monthly maintenance to shareholders like me. The record high property values here could plummet. Someone in the maintenance department recommend I sell and move out as soon as possible. I already know from the contractor for my bathroom, that structurally the building is in poor condition. This is still yet another motivation to sell and move to the Orlando area. I do not know if Odie will be able to make it.

Sporks and Foons

During the week following Richard's visit, I have noticed the overgrowth along my entry walk, that he commented on, was cleared. The remaining sidewalks we walked on have been removed. I have a voice mail message offering me a position installling PCs in Bank of America. I have been experiencing mouse finger syndrome because of my job and my hobby. My finger hurts. I have been told that there is a company right here in Lake Mary, a walk away, that has the same position I have. They are a competor to Telecheck, called Synergy. My company supplies either sporks or foons in my break rooms. They also supply us with free hot Krispy Creme doughnuts, juice, and punch in the morning, and many boxes of hot pizza at 11:45am and after 3pm. For each hour extra we work, we are first paid 1.5 times our hourly wage, and then an additional hour that we dont work. There are plenty of hours for everyone. Since our soon to close centers in Huston and Corpus Cristie Texas have been evacuated due to Rita, calls have been transfered to Daytona Beach.

REASONS 4 NY MOVE 2 FL

1) Washing and drying machines inside home!
2) Three times more and nicer home for same money.
3) Monthly shelter costs 70% less
4) I will save a whole bunch of money on my car insurance.
5) No tsunami threats
6) No terrorist threats
7) No harsh change of seasons
8) More laid back
9) Less congested
10)Major sports, theater, museums, and opera have little interest to me.
11)I have no wife or kids tied to NY.
12)Interest rates are going up from a 45 year low
13)Property values in NY are at a plateau.
14)Property values in FL are rising.
15)The Internet and the cell phone were invented.
16)Friends and family may follow suit.
17)Swimming pools.
18)Privacy and quiet
19)Much easier to rent out to roommate with two bedrooms
20)No neighbors living above, below or next to me.
21)Car parked in same space every day!
22) My brother in Staten Island NY will visit me more often, and with greater ease!
23)Avoid unpaid Jury Duty
24)No state tax in Florida
25)More employment opportunities for me
26)There are no more episodes of Seinfeld, Friends, or Sex and the City taking place in NYC.
27)No more nasty and crazy neighbors.
28)NY car insurance is being terminated as of 7/23/04
29)I have no pets
30)Family members are in FL.
31)No pesky basement to prevent house from being blown away in tornado.
32) Many products and services are cheaper.
33)Avoid paying $76.37 per month for 9 months to pay for new windows. 34)Avoid having to park in Floral Park while our parking lots get repaved. All garage owners and space owners will be forced to park in the street.
35)Movies are $5 instead of $9.
36)People are more relaxed, friendly, and helpful.

HARD ALTERNATIVE via Satellite

In the post-grunge years, a powerful and edgy sound emerged that broke the rules. This new music has become the preferred soundtrack of the extreme generation - a new Take-No-Prisoners hard rock movement. A melting pot of musical ideas rooted in the underground metal, rap and earlier alternative eras.

My favorite music channel is XM Ch 48 Squizz XL Hard Alternative. I enjoy listening to the music of these artists: Tool, Korn, Linkin Park, Godsmack, Audioslave, System of a Down, Filter, Disturbed, Saliva, Hed Planet Earth, Ministry, Static X, Papa Roach, Seether, Marilyn Manson, Slipknot, Jet, Trapt, Lost Prophet, Chevelle, Crossfade, Stabbing Westward, Hinder, Corrosion, Incubus, Nine Inch Nails, Chevelle, Queens Of The Stone Age, Mudvayne, White Zombie, Gorilaz, Kid Rock, Crazy Town, Green Day, Limp Bizkit, Shinedown, Sevendust, Rob Zombie, Staind, Nickelback, Three Doors Down, Soilwork, Scum of the Earth, Powerman 5000, (This list will continue to be updated)

I LOVE HARD ALTERNATIVE ON XM

I greatly love and enjoy listening to my hard alternative music station, commercial free, on XM radio in my automobile commute. XM helped me set a new record of 37.5 miles in 32 minutes! The crisp clean honest consistant strong sound from the digital signal is wonderful and delightful. I especially enjoy the text display on my dash showing artist and title information. XM in my car. XM online. XM in my home. I need more Monster cable to once again integreate my entire computer video audio system at home.

Squizz - XM 48 - 100% Commercial-Free
Listen Now
Take a squizz at this: hard alternative in the post-grunge era, fusing metal-rap-funk-world with aggressive, heavy guitars. You'll hear everything from the pioneers -- Korn and Limp Bizkit -- to today's emerging stars --

XM Liquid Metal - XL - XM 42
Industrial Strength Metal ONLINE EXCLUSIVE

Ethel - XM 47 - 100% Commercial-Free
Listen Now
All of alternative rock music's monster hits. Bands like Blink 182, Coldplay, Goo Goo Dolls, Weezer, Red Hot Chili Peppers, U2, Stone Temple Pilot and Smashing Pumpkins.

Boneyard - XM 41 - 100% Commercial-Free
Listen Now
Now you're in for it: killer Hard Rock and more insanity than you thought a radio channel could be. Get busy and get boned - with bands like AC/DC, Ozzy, Metallica, Aerosmith, Iron Maiden, Ratt and Guns n' Roses.

DIRECTIONS From i4 Lake Mary Blvd to

Andrew Lerner 101
943 Bakewell Court
Lake Mary, FL 32746-3388
Telephone (321) 214-9855
LernerAndrew@yahoo.com

Using I-4, Take exit #98 toward HEATHROW/LAKE MARY. (“East� if coming from Orlando)
Turn onto W LAKE MARY BLVD - go 0.2 mi East (right if from Orlando)
(Macaroni Grill is on the north side. Bob Evans is south)
There will be an UNO pizza across the street to your left.
Turn RIGHT at the traffic light (at Citgo) onto LAKE EMMA RD
This is a major four-way intersection past Mobil, after Colonial Bank.
(If you see Arbys, Home Depot, Staples, and Target, you have gone too far east)
Go 0.5 mi South on Lake Emma Rd. (two traffic lights)
You will pass K Mart and TooJays Deli on your left, and (a vista outside of your windows, of) Longhorn Steakhouse on your right.
(My tiny street is across the street on the left, but not accessible by car.)
Turn LEFT on GREENWOOD BLVD (The Crossings) - go 0.1 mi East
Turn LEFT (very first) on PEBBLE CREEK DR (Hidden Village) - go less than 0.2 mi North
Drive straight, past 2 streets on your left, and then look for “943� on a building to your left before Bakewell Ct. This is the entrance! It is on Pebble Creek! You have ARRIVED! Please use the “Guest� space. This is at the nearest left South West corner on Pebble Creek, BEFORE Bakewell Court. If you are on Bakewell Court, you have gone too far! (You will see Longhorn Steakhouse in the distance.) However, there is plenty of free unlimited parking here. You will then have to walk on the street, make a right on Pebble Creek, and walk down to 943 on the right corner. “101� is the right entrance.

Plenty of Fish

This is Arlyn, who answered my only reply to an ad in:

Craigs List personals

These women answered my free craigs list personals ad free, for free. Patti is on the left. Deborah is 47, in Deltona, and is in the four-strip, below (also nearby)

Debs is 51, and is on the west coast. Although she is the only one employed and with no children, she is way to old for me.

My Mother and her Mother

This is a picture of my Mother Edythe Miriam, and her Mother Ana, probably in the 1930ies. I am named after Ana, years after she passed away. My Mother passed away on this date, September 19, three years ago today. She was born in 1918. I was born in 1958. My father was born on May 19, 1915, and lives in Florida.

______________________

Empathetic, Altruistic, compassionate, concerned, and relentless are some words that best help to exemplify Edith Miriam Lerner. I have known no other person in this universe that has personified these qualities more. She prided herself at being sharp and lucid, and was never otherwise. I have no other personality, spirit, or being that loves me more than my mother of whom I am telling you about now. She is my greatest advocate and supporter by far, ever. I love my mother more than I love anyone. Edith Miriam Aronow Lerner made the transition from her physical body to her current existence, at about 8pm, on the day corresponding to Thursday, September 19, 2002. She communicated to me telepathically while I was just starting to watch an anticipated TV show of Big Brother. She told us of this predicted date four days prior. She has made the transition with her mother Ana, of whom I am named for. I helped bury her body with soil from Israel on 9/23/02.

I am grateful for having had the opportunity to verbally, visually, and physically communicate with her during the preceding week. I thanked her, and made it clear that I love her also. My life is forever profoundly changed from this point on. After my life it will be easier and more vibrant to be in communication with her again. I have nobody else in my life with such warmth and caring. It is very hard to accept and go on without the inhabited animated body that brought me life. I have felt such a special warm and unique soul connection with her. This extraordinary person has helped make this world beautiful. I do not have knowledge of a more beautiful being than her. Humanity on earth will not be the same without her. It would be a much warmer and caring world if more people were like her.

Edith Miriam Aronow came into this living world on June 14, 1918. She has seen this world making the transition to telephone communication, and has communicated on the World Wide Web. She joined her partner in life on March 15, 1943. With Bert Lerner, she gave life to Bernice on December 7, 1946,Richard Elliot on May 6, 1949, and myself, on February 21, 1958. During September 2002, she was able to meet with her entire family. This includes five grand children and one special great grand child. They are as follows: Jeffrey Ian 4/30/1973, Jennifer Kim 1/5/1977, Alison Beth 10/6/1978, Alan Howard 10/29/1980, Joseph Paul 10/29/1980, and Dorothy Rose 1/16/2000. All of these people and more are whom Edith cares more about than anything else. She loves all living beings. We are and will be in touch. She is and forever will be, my greatest friend.

I am only available to talk on the telephone between 3:40pm and 8:30pm through Friday, or between 7am and 9pm, on Saturday. Starting Sunday, I can be reached anytime except between 10am and 6:40pm every day. I am available anytime on Tuesday and Wednesday. You can record a voice mail for me.

Richard Elliot and Andrew Lerner = REAL

These past two days have been the most enjoyable and wonderful since I moved here to Florida in January 2005. Richard arrived just as Naomi left yesterday morning. Richard left this evening, and soon Michael will arrive. Richard and walked to, and ate at Too Jays, Uno, and Fireside Subs. We also ate at Panaras. I gave him some of the horsies and toys we played with when we were little boys. I treasure my brother’s visit. I cant remember a happier two days. May he live long and prosper.

TELEPHONE NUMBERS + SERVICE

This entry has been expanded and moved to 10/14/06

Finally Finished Flipping Florida Fan Fins For Fun.

On Friday, I finally finished flipping Florida fan fins for fun! I recently discovered that the ceiling fans in the guest and living room have a different pattern on each side! It now blends in better with my furnishings, and hides the damaged side! Richard is visiting Florida now from 9/15-23. This is during the same exact time that my entire family visited my mother in Florida, when I still lived in New York. She passed away on 9/19/02. I have not visited her grave since then. I wonder if Richard and my Father will do that on Monday, 9/19/05. Behind my Mother, in 1942, is her mother Ana, my namesake.

For the last week of Unemployment Insurance from NY, I claimed the six out of seven days that I did not work. My benefit amount was therefore less that usual. The amount that it was less exceeded the amount I earned by working the eight hours for that day! I earned less by working that I would have collected by not working. This amount is equal to what I earn by working for more than thirty minutes. The renovation of my automobile has begun. I purchased my 1999 Ford Escort in January 1999. Until now, except for brakes, tires, and the immediate replacement and extreme elaboration on the sound systems in 1999, it has all original parts. Now it has a new exhaust system. It will cost me one and a half (1.5) weeks of working hard. I am amazed at the large majority of obese people working in the call centers where I work!

Talking about eXtreMe car audio, XM Satellite radio will be turned on again. HBO has been turned off. During the past two weeks I emptied and discarded another 2 boxes from Long Island. During these past three weeks, including the last couple of days, I continue to discover things missing due to either forgetting them at Forest City, or taken by Laurie. I now need a new chessboard without pieces, and I lost a cherished Philips head screwdriver from the 1970ies. My Condo appears to have been raped. So many things looked like they were crudely ripped out in a hurry, possibly in a fit of anger or retribution. Here is a partial list: disposal, plants, smoke alarm, switches, molding, plumbing, ice maker, telephone cable and jacks, carpeting, padding, and shelving. Many repairs were done crudely. I fixed all of the proceeding, and more.

Come back here again often to read my new series of columns titled “Alien Analyzation�, on observing earth human society in the United States.

SCHEDULE

Sunday 9/18/05 through Saturday 09/24/05: 7am to 3:30pm, except off on Sunday and Saturday off.
Sunday 9/25/05 through Saturday 10/01/05: 10am to 6:30pm, except off on Tuesday and Wednesday. This will remain my schedule indefinitely until further notice.

Andrew's Bed, Breakfast & Beyond

Naomi and Nonette are now friends. Naomi has moved in this evening. She will stay here until Friday evening, or early Saturday morning the abosolute latest. Then my brother Richard will be staying here that Saturday through Sunday. Sunday evening, Michael moves in.
Go Beyond by clicking here.

FOOD FOR ME

This paragraph describes my diet, regarding its restrictions, and my preferences. I do not eat any pork products, seafood, cereal, barbequed or fried food. I prefer kosher meats when available, and like to avoid dairy with meat. I need to limit residue such as: seeds, skins (like on potatoes or some beans), raw vegetables (like lettuce, tomatoes, or peppers), garnish, and pulp. Spices must also be limited. I need to limit myself to beverages that do not contain carbonation, caffeine, fruit juice, and alcohol. As much as possible, it is best that I only have dairy that is lactose-free. I only drink orange juice that is low acid, and pulp-free. I have an ulcer, colitis, GERD, irritable bowl, and am slightly lactose intolerant. I make exceptions for ice cream, flavored yogurt, and anything chocolate. I love pasta, rice, potatoes, and anything made with tomatoes or potatoes. Southern Italian is my favorite cuisine. My favorite cooked vegetables are potatoes, tomatoes, green beans, peas, and lima beans. I hate asparagus and spinach. My favorite fruits are pineapple and banana and food made with strawberry, peach, and cherry. I hate raspberry, blueberry, and cranberry. I prefer Chicken, Turkey, and occasionally beef (especially kosher corned beef). My favorite foods are lasagna, and chocolate ice cream with chocolate fudge, chocolate chips, chocolate fudge brownie, and peanut butter with strawberry preserves. My favorite beverage is filtered water, or non-caffeinated plain ice tea with Splenda.

EMERGENCY 386-323-1380

MY EMERGENCY TELEPHONE NUMBER IS

386-323-1380

Here it is again for those who are far sighted, left side impaired, and hate red: 386-323-1380

My position

My employment is with Telecheck, a part of Consumer Care Service Group, a division of Teleservices Inc., a business unit of First Data Corporation. Within Telecheck, a person can be a Customer Service Operator for Check Writers or Consumers. More experience or education could qualify one to be a CSR for Merchant services. My title is Universal Representative.

Over the coming weeks and months, I will be learning and training in positions within these two units of Telecheck. I will be working in both the consumer, and well as the merchant divisions. My responsibilities will initially involve telecommunications, computer operations, counseling, and advising, with consumer and client services. I have access to millions of personal and business financial information records. I give out consumer reports, and am a liaison to when and who gets what credit.

I am part of an elite small first group that will be starting this new division in Florida. We have been given choice schedules, opportunities, and seniority, eclipsing even veterans of its former location. It is the flagship growth product for First Data, previously in Texas. Telecheck is by far, the largest customer service check guarantee service on the planet. I once said that I would work for Walmart. In the way that I meant it, I now do. Walmart is a six billion dollar client of ours. I could become unemployed without their business.

08/30/2005 has been updated, please read.

MY so-called LIFE

Nancy will be moving into her new basement studio in Franklin Square. This is where Laurie worked for more than a decade. Nancy will also live nearby Laurie in Valley Stream, who also rents a basement studio!

Most of the checks I use from my checking account are used by my writing “void� on, and giving them to creditors to make electronic drafts on my bank account. Nobody has asked me to explain the toaster screw story. PC is a personal computer using Windows on a desktop. A laptop PC is self-explanatory. APPLE does not APPLY. HC is a Hand Held personal computer system that is only limited by its size.

I have been on a no-sugar diet for three years now. On Monday, I discovered that sitting, listening, and learning for eight hours, can exhaust me , and it can get hard to keep my eyes open. I went to the grocery store, and purchased bags of chocolate, hard candy, and brownies. I have been eating them continuously since Tuesday, and have found that it help a great deal! Someone in my class told me that Bank One, one mile away from me in Lake Mary, is also hiring for call center customer service reps, pays a little more, and recommends I apply to work there.

It has been verified that my daily 77-mile round trip commute uses 2.5 gallons of gasoline each day. It takes me 38 minutes each way for each of the two 38 miles. 36 of those 38 miles are on International Speedway Blvd, and I-4. However, it is I-4 that I use as a speedway. I go 10 to 20 mph over the 70mph speed limit. Yesterday’s entry will be updated.

Schedule is more clarified and confirmed.

My employment with Telecheck, a division of Teleservices Inc., a business unit of First Data Corporation started with an orientation on 9/2/05, from 8:30am until 2pm, and will be paid until 5pm. I will also be paid for eight hours for not working on Monday. Training will be Tuesday, September 6, 2005 through Friday, September 16, 2005. Training hours will be 7:00 AM through 3:30 PM during that period. I will only be off Saturday 9/10,17 and Sunday 9/11,18. From 9/19 to 9/23 my hours will be 8 am to 4:30 pm. I do not start work on the floor untilll Sunday, September 25, 2005. I will never work 3:30 pm to 12:00am. I will be earning $8.61 per hour and 40 hours each week. This is $52 more per week than I have been receiving from NYS UI and not working. My hours ultimately will be 10 AM to 6:30 PM, only Thursday through Monday. This is five consecutive days per week. Since I do not start work on the floor untilll Sunday, September 25, 2005, I will be at work learning, and will not be off, on Tuesday and Wednesday, 9/19/05 and 9/20/05.

NANCY GOLDFARB IS HOMELESS

Nancy Ellen Goldfarb has had all of her official records changed. Her name is now Nancy Ellen Goldfarb. She is now homeless. There was some sudden serious issues that has forced her to be homeless as of Friday. Ms Goldfarb needs a long term affordable place to stay. She had only a small furnished room next to the railroad tracks for $650/month. Nancy is very flexible and open minded to any and all living situations, as long as it is on Long Island, and not in Florida. N.G. has full time employment in Great Neck.

Katrina is not Sunshine

I feel privileged to be employed, own a wonderful comfortable home, and have good friends and family. Many in the gulf area now have nothing. “Katrina and the Waves� has taken new meaning, and it is not “Walking on Sunshine�.

Yahoo! 360� - My Page

This is a consolidation web site I once dreamed about!

Home Share Profile

Roommate Description Personal info: Andrew , 47 yrs. old , Male, Straight , Professional , Pisces. Household info: Non Smoker , There are no pet(s) Preferred roommate description Age: from 29 to 57 yrs. old Gender: Doesn't matter Smoker: No Orientation: Doesn't matter Pet: No Room and apartment description Features: Apartment, Floor #1, Parking available, No parking cost, 2 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms Neighborhood: Hidden Village House amenities: Cable ready, Fireplace, Balcony/Patio, Washer/Dryer, Dishwasher, Microwave, Kitchen access, Storage, Yard, Pool. Room amenities: Furnished, Linen supplied, Air conditioning, Private bath, Carpet, Phone jack, TV, Cable jack, Closet. Comments: I am a down to earth, clean, organized, direct, open, honest, laid back, and easygoing person, who enjoys hard, heavy, alternative, and rap-metal rock music; and serious or romantic dramas. I need a responsible and quiet person, like myself, to rent out the other bedroom, and separate additional attached full bathroom. I will keep out of your way and respect your privacy. All of the utilities are included! Available, is a quiet beautiful private, completely furnished room, with attached private individual exclusive full bathroom with brand new luxury showering system just installed! It has brand new w/w carpeting, an Eleven-Foot Closet, and has just been painted! It includes your own independent TV and computer systems, bed, dressers, desk, night table, clock radios, telephone, bedding, towels, iron, board, and etcetera! There are brand new high-end washer and dryer laundry machines inside this 2BR Condo! Free unlimited long distance and local telephone usage in your room is included! Cable TV, broadband high speed Internet access service, and ceiling fans are in every room! Central air conditioning is included. There is close, immediate access to many parking spaces, the patio, and garden, on this ground floor. You can use the kitchen with a reverse osmosis water fountain and dishwasher, dining room, or living room with fireplace, and premium 5.1-surround sound theater. This safe community includes use of swimming pool, spa/hot tub, squash court, and more! This Lake Mary exit 98 location is one (1) mile from I-4, Heathrow, 12 miles from downtown Orlando, and 5.4 miles or 11 minutes from SCC of UCF. Lake Mary is one of the four finalists from the state of Florida on CNN list of 100 finalists of the best places to live in the U.S.A.!

First Data - Services - Card Issuing Services - Teleservices

My title is Universal Representative.

Summary of FIRST DATA CORP - Yahoo! Finance

"...the consolidation of Concord's network settlement functions in Maitland, Florida into the Wilmington, Delaware platform."

My Station

My Station
I love progressive innovative Alternative hard heavy metal with many influences including Hip Hop. My favorite decades are 1970''s, 1990''s, and the 2000''s. I hate Disco, Opera, Country, Religious, Show Tunes, and Hardcore. I enjoy Abba and The Carpenters to Korn and White Zombie. PUMP IT UP.

GAS and MONEY Pains and Joys

Gas is now $3/gallon. Each day I work my eight-hour shift, more than one hour of my work, represents how much gas costs me for just only that day that I am working! I have to work more than another hour, just to pay for my car’s maintenance cost for that day, represented by the 76 miles I commute round trip! I am very happy about the following aspects of my position. The dress code and its revision, specifically lists T-shirts, sandals, shorts, jeans, and sneakers as acceptable dress. I will be sitting and talking all day, instead of standing around waiting all day. I will have the same schedule consistently daily and weekly. I will have two consecutive days off. I live 10 miles and 20 minutes closer to Daytona Beach than Forest City. That is where I used to live.

I regret going to the ER at a hospital for a new and different abdominal pain on 5/22/05. It cost me $490.37, in addition to the $266.15 I paid for health insurance that month. It is OBSCENE, that I had to pay $3,691.30, including health insurance, medications, a blood test, and doctor visits, between 5/1/05 and 8/31/05. It is also very sad considering NY State sent me $5,036.16 gross UI during this period. HEALTH INSURANCE, including medication, doctor visits, tests, hospital costs, dental, and vision, is my biggest relief about my employment as of October 1, 2005! During August and September, I have no health insurance. I had severe cyclical abdominal pain the entire morning during my training. This was the first of its kind, possibly by the constipation side effects of my new medication(s). Either traveling to a new job after a long while, getting up after too few hours sleep, or eating forbidden foods, brings on abdominal pain. The first two are applicable for today. I have a different pain reaction to “gas�.

Please click on all words or tiles that are underlined. Below this and every entry, to the left of the date, is an icon you can click to send me a private email

Clarifications, Corrections, and Updates

My employment with Telecheck, a division of Teleservices Inc., a business unit of First Data Corporation (the “Company�) started with an orientation on 9/2/05, from 8:30am until 2pm, and will be paid until 5pm. I will also be paid for eight hours for not working on Monday. Training will be Tuesday, September 6, 2005 through Friday, September 16, 2005. I will be off Saturday 9/10 and Sunday 9/11. I am not sure about Saturday 17 and Sunday 18. However, since I do not start work on the floor untill Sunday, September 25, 2005, I think I can or will be off on those days. Training hours will be 7:00 AM through 3:30PM instead of 3:30pm to 12:00am. I will be earning $8.61 per hour and 40 hours each week. This is $52 more per week than I have been receiving from NYS UI and not working. My hours ultimately will be 10AM to 6:30PM, Thursday through Monday. This is five consecutive days per week, and off on Tuesday and Wednesday. I am not sure if that includes 9/19/05 and 9/20/05. However, since I do not start work on the floor untill Sunday, September 25, 2005, I think I will be at work learning those days. Benefits available include: A free company prepaid $100 VISA debit card to pay for medical or prescription copayments, and Tuition Reimbursement up to $10,000.00 per year!

I'm Walking On Sunshine

While I was driving my bike today, I received a telephone call, forwarded to me from my VOIP* service. It was Amy from First Data. She confirmed that my background check was satisfactory, and that I would attend orientation Friday 9/1/05 at 8:30am to 12:30pm. There had been a discrepancy in my not accounting for my time since working with GMR Marketing since I accidentally put 12/05 as my end date instead of 12/04 or 1/05. I was therefore relieved.

I was told that positions have become available in a different position, company, and division, with a different hourly schedule, days off and hourly rate. I was offered the position and a choice of schedule and days off. All changes were favorable and better than my previous offer. You can refer to my posting of 8/24/05. ** I chose to accept the position, and work Thursday through Monday, from 10am to 6pm. My Training schedule will change as well. I will get a formal written offer tomorrow, and I plan to sign it.

My employment with Telecheck will start with an orientation on 9/2/05. Training week one will be 9/6-9/2005. I will be off Saturday and Sunday 9/10,11. I am not sure about week two, including 9/15/05. Training hours will be 8:30am to 5pm instead of 3:30pm to 12:00am, and longer than only one week. I will be earning $8.61 per hour, 40 hours each week. I will be receiving a tiny amount more than I have been from NYS UI. My hours ultimately will be 10am to 6pm. I will be working five days per week, and off on Tuesday and Wednesday. I am not sure if that includes that week of 9/15/05.

Benefits available include: Medical and Dental Insurance, 401k, Discounted Auto and Homeowner's Insurance***, Tuition Reimbursement, Short-term and Long-term Disability, Employee Assistance Program, Flexible Spending Accounts, Legal Assistance, Long-term Care Assistance.

I had calculated that I would have had to work one hour each day to pay for my gas use of that day to commute to and form the job that I would earn that pay for that hour. This morning I noticed that gas is now $2.90/gallon. It is convenient, that my new earnings rate has kept up with this. My commute is 78 miles total per day*****, and my car runs at about 25 miles/gallon. I feel privileged to be employed, own a wonderful comfortable home, and have good friends and family. Many in the gulf area now have nothing. “Katrina and the Waves� has taken new meaning, and it is not “Walking on Sunshine�.

*My VOIP is VOnAge, and uses Verizon telephone service. Even though I turned off my landline service years ago, and not live in a land dominated by Sprint and Bell South, I have not escaped Verizon.

**Remember that you can right click on this date since it is probably underlined and or blue. You can also scroll down to that date’s entry as well.

***I will save a whole bunch of money on my car insurance by working at Telecheck!

****Of all the years I have been a member of Yahoo, through August 2005, I have only had the original four-letter password requirement.

*****See posting below from day before on 9/31/05