The legal contract of "Mar" and &rew is planned to be executed on February 02, 2010 of the common era. Consequently, my partner's name will change to Mar Lerner. I am devoid of romance, and not exited. Marriage to me, has never been something I needed, wanted and has little meaning. It is an event to be put in the task list and calender of my Palm Phone PDA. However it gives Mar comfort, security and happiness. It gives her Sister and Niece tremendous excitement, happiness, and the joyful opportunity to plan this gay social event. This is fine since I care little for social events, and find them to be a depressing and unpleasant chore.
We met on the Internet, and by our then common employer for Roommate reasons. I have been good at choosing excellent Roommates. A risk of this is, she may fall in love with and marry me. Eviction is then not possible. Moving out is not an option since I am the landlord. Thoughts turned to marriage after I was laid off. Being unemployed is an ironic time for marriage, and an expensive comprehensive re-furnishing of my home. However, if my COBRA runs out, I can be covered under my wife's coverage! Whether I will save a whole bunch of money on my car insurance after marriage, remains to be seen. Mar also wants me buy a circular piece of metal for her finger.
This merger announcement is exclusive to the Internet via facebook and blogspot. Merger 1 took place in the Star Trek universe. Being engaged to her reminds me of Jean-Luc Picard, when he says "Engage" and "Resistance is futile. We will be assimilated." "As an Aspie, I can not be assimilated." Also, I am Agnostic. Bill Mahr is the name that comes to mind when I use "Mar" to describe my roommate or partner. I identify with him more than any other celebrity.
My future spouse may become Jewish, along with the rest of her family. It has been brought to my attention that Jews are not married during the Sabbath. I prefer to start a day with an important event. For this and other reasons, the date has been changed from 01.23 to 01.17 to my favorite day of 02.02.
Mar and I are comfortable, compatible, care for, and enjoy each-others company. It appears that this is the definition of love. Since we are probably going to live with another for the longevity of our lives, marriage does not seem so impractical. It is comforting to know I need not worry about the task of finding a partner.
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The third feedback reaction comments left on this posting were profound and well written. It is of the type that I have been craving for all the years of all my WWW postings. I greatly appreciate it. You can read it by clicking the "Reactions" link below or above. I have been learning of marriage, spirituality, and religion online very recently. I do have emotions. I plan to find vows that accurately and honestly express my feelings and intentions. My pontification of the anonymous contributor leads me to guess someone born in 1958. I will now crave to someday learning the true identity of the author.
I appreciate feedback #4 (why Anonymous?) and the discussion that is ensuing. I will be addressing, in a new post planned for 7/9, a continuing battle that comment #3 illustrates. I am constantly not given enough credit. My intelligence and emotions often exceed other's perceptions.
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6 comments:
Andrew!!! I am so happy and excited and thrilled for both of you!! Congratulations!! I can't wait to talk to Margaret! Mar!
Andrew, I clicked the link "depressing and unpleasant chore" - it made me very sad. I hope you are finding social occasions with our family better than that - at least I know you enjoy the food! We will do our best to make this occasion better for you. Please know we are all delighted and happy to have you join our family.
Andrew - I wish to post this anonymously, as I do not wish for you to take any of our past encounters into account with the statements that I will make, though knowing who I was will have little bearing on your interpretation of my remarks if I read who you are correctly.
Knowing the amount of emotional, conversational and pure bonding required of a healthy relationship, I am a little beside myself to see how you can fathom entertaining such a move. I am sure that she is very understanding, and empathetic, but in all of your writing on this site, how can you agree to tie yourself to a binding which in your own words has absolutely no meaning for you, and means an eternity for your partner? How can you go on with the rote of a marriage, when you're self described as agnostic, and this rite of marriage is almost solely tied to that of faith and promises to a higher power?
How can you provide for your partner emotionally, should she need a "pick me up", which you have self admittedly indicated that you likely won't even pick up the reason for why she needs one? I appreciate the learnings of a person "differently abled" such as yourself; I cannot comprehend how you think, and you have been teaching yourself how mainstream thinks for decades, just in order to fit in. Your writings allow me to be somewhat sympathetic to the way you live. We have spoken in the past, and your ability to think differently than mainstream does not detract in any way from your intelligence, and knowing how difficult it has been for you to train yourself to fit in with society, could you not extrapolate that it may not be a hardship for your to be wife?
Though I seriously doubt that you will take this maliously, should anyone else read this, it is not intended in this manner. I mearly have a difficult time equating a milestone of my life, and many others - and the emotional and spiritual bonds that it creates, with Mar and Andrew, who is the antethesis to both of those statements. Should your partnership with "Mar" be one of equals; that is with eyes wide open on both sides, and you're both comfortbale with that, than Andrew, I wish you and she the best. I hope that she can help you continue in your endevors to understand the counterside of society, and you can help her likewise! I think that it will be an interesting task for you to write your own vows, and I would be interested in your attempts to create a set that pleased the both of you, and carried meaning for the both of you. Good luck Andrew, I wish you the best!
I would like to respond to the post by Anonymous - Marriage does not necessarily imply any religous obligation. In the US, marriage is a civil and legal contract between two people with many benefits to each. In Andrew's blog he has even mentioned the possiblilty of taking advantage of his wife's health insurance. This could also apply to future social security benefits. In addition, a contract between two people is something to consider carefully, because it is not easily undone. Personally, I think that if a couple decide to marry, the very fact of that contract may help each of them to get through some difficult times and come out the better for it. And I believe that Anonymous is not giving you credit for your own intelligience and autonomy, Andrew. Anonymous sounds somewhat condescending of your abilty to make healthy decisions for yourself.
Andrew,
Hello, this is the niece.
I am happy that you and Mar decided to marry, and I am always delighted to host a social event at my home. That said, you gave her a list of people to invite that was equal to hers if not a bit a longer. You must have some interest in the wedding itself!
I know that you are Aspy. I also recognize that you intellectualize many things and seem to view the world from a detached observer stance. I am sure that this is due in part to being Aspy but also a reaction to your feeling isolated in your upbringing. Their are Aspies who engage in life as participants and who even do traditional things like marry. Remember Bill Gates wedding? So, I welcome you to our family with open arms but stop being so darn grumpy!
Love, E
It is early, and I mispelled "there". My apologies, I usually edit myself better than that. I am being bombarded by the six-year-olds wardrobe issues this morning.
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