Korny and clever quips, quotes, quizzes, and questions.

1) What is a Dura-cell? It is a heavy-duty mobile phone.
2) What is another name for vinyl records? Groovy.
3) Learn to Type. Type to learn. (Inspired by my mother’s “Learn to read. Read to learn.)
4) Fearing fear is the answer.
5) Why is Spider a good name for computer virus software? It captures bugs with its World Wide Web protection.
6) Back in the pre-mouse era, floppy disks were the size of mouse pads and just as floppy.
7) Does “Jogging one’s memory�, mean running with a floppy disk?
8) Why are diskettes the cockroaches of data storage? They both are pesky, and will be around forever.
9) Why are Diskettes the sticky-notes of data storage? They both hold a tiny amount of vital information.
10) The prices of UPS are DOWN. Protect yourself from BROWN outs. (UPS stands for both Uninterrupted Power Supply and United Parcel Service. Brown refers to both a decrease in power, and the UPS Company’s color. UP is the opposite of Down.)
11) Those who can’t see the big picture exist in a pixel.
12) Is “jumping on the broadband wagon� faster?
13) Why is George W Bush not wearing any underwear? It is because nobody briefed him.
14) What is the country that is in the middle of Jerusalem? USA (JerUSAlem)
15) Sometimes it’s hard to tell if a dollar bill is counterfeit or just laundered.
16) Facts are the building blocks of knowledge.
17) Great and exiting events happen when you least appreciate them.
18) FORD = Favorite OR Fun On Road Driving, or FOR Driving.
19) If you watch what you eat, then you can only eat “see� food.
20) Response to “Get out of here� is “I will, when its time for me to go home.
21) Another name for relief: A Colon Powell movement.
22) The Internet has replaced the grapevine".
23) "Do you understand "Fveshtayse"? (That is the English pronunciation for the Yiddish word that asks that same question)
24) “Last week, I accidentally lifted some heavy boxes, after my doctor said not to."
25) I would like a chocolate, Chocolate Labrador retriever (made exclusively of chocolate).
26) Inputs and outputs are my favorite activities.
27) George W. Bush has said, “That sends the wrong message�. The Freedom of speech means that no message is wrong.
28) It is rare that I eat steak. However, I don’t eat it rare.
29) A roll of quarters is a Flock of eagles or a Roll of States.
30) Happiness is a warm tongue.
31) New York City is where all minorities are the majority.
32) If a PC is a Personal Computer, what is a HC? It is a Hand Held Computer.
33) Why does someone who is 6’ 4’ and weighs 160lbs., clean teeth? That is what toothpicks are for.
34) REST in REST room, is an acronym for RElief STation.
35) Andrew is A. Lerner, and the only one with A. Lerner’s License.
36) MAIL = Messages And Information Letters
http://andrewlerner.blogspot.com/2005/11/original-quotes.html